How Do You Tell Your Parents Of The Things You've Been Hiding From Them, And Other Stories Of The Like.

I got my grades yesterday, pretty much worst day ever, I mean ever... My grades were okay, the usual, the expected. It was just the grades I got on my finals. Not so great... Yeah, I won't get into the details but this didn't make my parents too happy. So... stupidly I brought up an issue I have been meaning to bring up at the wrong time... my depression. A depression caused my many things piled on top of one another in a horrible mess of sadness and anger... Well, they sometimes say the most creative minds have something wrong with them, so there may be a plus. Hahaha. So, this depression has gotten to a bad point, I mean a low, low, point. I mean a point that is like pg-13 or something. Yeah, you guessed it... thoughts of bodily harm... a.k.a. suicide. Yet, these were still thoughts, so I had to bring it up before I did anything.
But of course my mother assumes right away it is my school. That school is stressing me and that I should switch to an easier school. She doesn't know the half of it... And I could never tell her about my life on the internet and the friends I have slowly been losing. I could never tell her about my extreme self-loathing and lack of self-respect. I could never tell her that her straight 'A' daughter who is deathly afraid of showing her anything less then a 90% when I now get few grades above that. It is impossible, so she assumes it is school. Which if she did take me out of this school; I think that would put me over the edge...
I have learned to lie quite well over the years. I mean I could lie before but now, in High School, it is nearly an art. I have lied so well to some people I nearly believe the story myself. Which, in a way, can be a good thing. As usual it all starts with a little thing, and then, it grows. And now, I don't quite know how to stop some of them, so they grow larger. I know this whole paragraph is sort of a side note, but I felt like putting that out there for anyone who may read it. I don't lie often, not nearly as much as most of the people I know, but when I do lie it is usual a large and annoying one that harms no one but me...
Much Love Forever,
~ Jenna
P.S. Sorry for another pity party, I'll liven it next time. For I am working on bettering my life and gaining self confidence.

If Only Life Were A Musical...

Wouldn't that be great? If life were a musical? I get happy just thinking about it. But not the kind of jump around and giggle happy. More the sit and smile slightly, while thinking deeply happy. It may not appear so to many people, but that is my favorite kind of happy, though it happens less often. (Yes I am more inclined to violently express my happiness through jumping, dancing, singing, laughing, et cetera.) But just think about it, in a musical every few conversations you burst into dance and song. And everyone knows the same choreographed song and dance. It would just be so much fun!!! Though it may get old for some people, and you would eventually lose your voice... But there are other charms to this idea.
In most musicals there is a huge pressing problem that must be solved. And usually by the end it is apparent that this problem will be solved or already has been. Though some can be sad and depressing there is always something to smile about for each character. Usually people only have a few problems on them at once, it is nothing like reality. Wouldn't it be nice to have even only half the problems you have in life? I would be able to breathe easier for sure.
People do get hurt and are in pain in musicals but they always bounce back. And usually people who do the right thing get something form it. They aren't left out in the dust while the bad people get what they want. They may be for awhile but it works out...
As you may be able to tell I'm a bit depressed. The reasons? I can not express most of them so publicly. But hey, according to some of my friends I am always depressed and complaining! Why me?!? Why do I have to be the wet blanket? I try to remain optimistic but when I express my problems no one seems to care. I need someone who will just sit and listen, and then maybe try and help or even just hug me... just let me let it all out. A pillow doesn't suffice for the comfort of someone who understands... Now I'm on a tangent...
Well, the originally point of this post was to talk about the musical I have written, but then I went on this little pity party. I'm sorry... I have to link to my musical, you all should read it and tell me what you think!
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Here is the link > http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dhpmw2k8_0hsgf5gc3&pli=1 Read it!

AHH!!! The Horrors of Exams and Teeth!

As you can see I haven't written in a long period of time. Well, there are reasons for this. I just finished my last exam of this term and I am very happy about that. So, obviously the reasons were that I was studying my butt off. (Or procrastinating my butt off...) Right now, I have a lull in my schedule. I finished my exam early and now I await my mother's arrival. (Wow, I just respelled that word leek six times...) My mother is coming to get me so she can bring me to a torture chamber in which they shall pull our four impacted teeth from my gums. Yeah, that's right I'm getting my wisdom teeth out. Half an hour after my last exam. So much fun, right?
So due to these reasons I have had no time to meander on the computer. But right now I do. Though my mother may come while I am writing this in which I shall have to finish it later after I have already gotten my wisdom teeth out. I shall inform you if that happens. Hahaha.
Well, I am not very excited about getting teeth pulled out of my skull. I have never had anything pulled off or out of my mouth unless you count my horrible braces about two years ago. I also had a minor surgery on my gums to help move my teeth, and oh yeah I got my tonsils and adenoids out. But that doesn't count! I was seven!
Would you be excited? No! Who gets excited about the concept on being like six different kinds of drugs but still being in pain, your face swelling up, and the possibility of dry sockets? Not many sane people, probably not even many insane people. So, wish me luck and I shall be back soon with news!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

I Don't Quite Know What To Write...

I'm here, at the computer lab. Attempting to write a blog post. I have had some people send me comments telling me to write more but I have had no time and no inspiration. I currently have three people over my shoulder watching me type this and it is kind of hard. XD Well, I have asked them what I should write and they are not any help. They are talking about some sort of "Flower." I am confused. Now... they are leaving me alone. Thank God!!! Just kidding. Hahahaha. Well, I have no idea what to write about. I need some H-E-L-P!!! Ahh! I need some inspiration!!! There would be some things I would write about that I can think of but I don't quite feel comfortable yet... since I have no idea who is reading this. Hahaha. Well, we figured out what the "Flower" was. But I'm not telling!!! Muahahahaha!!!! Wow, if anything was a ramble post this would be it. Sorry for such a random post. It is really hard to concentrate here. I just wanted to post for my probably two readers. Um... okay. Awkward conversation happening around me. Well, I need some inspiration but I'll try and post again soon!!!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I'm soooooooooooo sorry I haven't posted in so long!!! With everything that happened around my last post and the Holidays, plus I'm off on break so I'm around the computer less, I haven't had any time to post! Too bad I didn't get a laptop for Christmas... though my brother did... Well, it's a new year. Some people say it is time to start fresh, do something about your life. I have never been much for resolutions, for I know if I make them they will probably not come true. (Darn pessimism!) But this year, I have made a few... In no particular order...
The first effects my readers the most. I will attempt to post more. I did well the first week or so but now I'm just getting lazy. So, I'm going to get my butt in gear and post hopefully every other day or so. (Or more!)
Second, to care less about what people think of me. I am really a very self-conscious person. For my close friends it may not appear so. But to those who may never have talked to me and all they see is the often quiet shadow of a person, (Maybe a bit over dramatic) it is apparent. From now on I shall not care what people I don't care about think of me. I obviously have to care what my friends think of me a bit.
Third, trust more. Sort of goes along with the earlier one. This has gotten better I guess, but it could still use some work.
Fourth, get the darn Film club going!!!! (Those in the Film club will know what I mean)
Fifth, get into the India SYA program. Only twenty people nation wide, but who knows, one might be me!
And all the rest are private matters. Written in the depths of my diary and hidden within the deep waters of my heart. Hahaha. So... if any of my few readers want to share their New Year's Resolutions go ahead. I'd love to hear them.
Much Love,
~ Jenna