Happy Holidays?

So this was my first Christmas in my life as officially, in my mind, a non-Christian. And let's just leave it as saying it was... difficult. My mother, who has recently found out about my religious twist and is attempting to convert me back, made me go to Church. And, in my opinion, no offense to the Roman Catholics I know, but when observing the church service from an outsiders point of view. Roman Catholicism is the least passionate religion I have ever seen. They fricken chant and sit and stand and no one sings and it is boring as hell. No passion in the voices of the priests. I never would have believed that anyone in that church truly believed in a higher power. It was a show. An attempt to have a religion. No passion.
I'm not saying all Christians are this way. The Baptist church has a hell of a lot of passion. Even the Espiscopal church you can feel it. But the Roman Catholic church, at least the services I have been to (And I've been to a number of different churches in my time) are not passionate at all. Maybe that is why the religion never gripped me. I need to do something with my belief with my passion and love for my gods. And Catholicism did nothing for me. And that is all I have to say about it. Oh, and in my religion we don't eat our god. That's just wrong. Thank you.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Happy Holidays! Those past, present, and future!!!

Anger is For Those Who Aren't Calm Enough to Be Passive Aggressive

Do you know what I hate? When people shirk their duties. Then, leave you to deal with your own duties as well as yours. And when everything falls apart, it makes you look bad. When really, they couldn't have done it on their own either. But you were the only one put in the situation. And you would never do the same for a long unexplained period of time.
You start a commitment; you have to stay with it. Hence the name, commitment. I'm angry with some people for this. I never thought I would be angry with these specific people, but I am. I've been left to deal with something on my own. And now, it's falling apart. And well, who does it look like is at fault. Me. Cause I was the only one there. But I struggled to keep it afloat. But, just like these people who left me because they had so much going on in their lives. I have the same. My life is a fricken whirlpool of things right now. But we don't consider other people's lives when we shirk our duties. No, we just leave them to fend on their own.
I've been singing my ass off for all these concerts this week and next week. Teachers are piling the work on due to Holiday break coming up soon. I'm stage manager in this year's musical, which is more work than you might think. My parents weren't home all week, I had to deal with my grandparents and help them with my little siblings. It snowed for the first time this year, and thus led to my first driving experience on the snow. I hydroplaned, almost killed myself, and thus was shaken for a day. I told my mom something recently, and we have yet to talk about it, but our relationship seems slightly strained. All my friends are learning about Early Decision colleges all around me. I have to comfort or congratulate them, while worrying myself. And on top of all that, throw a guy into the picture and a few overly needy friends who force me to go to every meal with them and you have a small extent of my problems.
So yeah. My life is not a cakewalk right now either. But I have kept up with these duties. Or at least put on the semblance of it. Now these people are going to whisk back in and look like the heroes. Leave Jenna in the dust again. As usual. I'm always the second thought.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

The Annoyance of Affection

Do you know what annoys me? When I like someone. I don't mean just like them as a person. Like as in possibly romantically. It can be such a nuisance! I often mask my slight annoyance for it with excitement to close friends. But at this point in my life I have began to be annoyed by it. Not the person I like. Just the god damn rush of emotion that it usually puts you through.
Sometimes you want to act casual, like you don't like them and are just a friend. Other times you should act flirty. And do you tell them? Yes? No? Who the fuck knows? Not me. It's just an annoying rush of feelings to me. Enjoyable at times. But still. Annoying. And with my luck, it usually ends badly or goes no where at all. Which turns me off to the whole process even more.
Another thing that is annoying on the subject of romance and such. When you like more than one person. Yup. That is very annoying. Cause sometimes one wants to focus their efforts. And you can't when your efforts want to go two different directions. That is annoying. Oh! Another. When the person you like is not exactly socially acceptable or something. Like your friends would find it weird if they knew. Or maybe they are just in a totally different social group from you. So, one it is difficult to see them. And two. It just doesn't work.
Ranting. I know. But the whole damn process annoys me. I liked the period of time in my life about two months ago where I didn't like anyone. It was so easy. I could just whisk around life not caring about those around me. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Butterflies just don't look good on me. Er... in me.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

100 Posts?!?

Yes. Finally I have made it to the benchmark number of posts that I was looking to reach about a year ago. I know. I'm such a slacker. But the blog is now over three years old and has 100 posts. That's damn exciting. How many active followers do I have? None. Wow. Great.
Hahaha. Well, either way I shall continue. If I ever become famous people will look back and read all about my crazy wacked up life and how I talk about it with my mind. It will be epic. Quite possibly.
Fro someday, I'm going to be famous. I know it. People are going to know my name, and for good reasons of course. I want to make a difference in this world. A big one. And the only way to make a crazy big difference in this world is for people to know you. For you to be famous. And I don't mean famous like celebrity. No. They are lame famous. Like famous, meaning epic. Extreme. I don't know. Someday I'll be it.
Well either way, excuse my rant. Enjoy the last 100 posts. It's been fun writing these years. I hope to continue for even longer!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

A Bit of Inactivity

I'm sorry faithful readers who are probably no more. I have gone through yet another bout of inactivity. It's just been school, college apps, my forum, finishing some plays, friends, family, other people, etc. A lot has been going on. I have a lot of things on my mind. So I've come back to you little 'ole blog. I missed 'ya. I don't really even know where to start today. I have so much I'm thinking about.
I found this website today. Through postsecret actually. If you don't know what postsecret is go here. But that's not what I'm going to talk about in this paragraph. I'm going to talk about Fifty People One Question. This is a website that has a number of short films on it. The films are so powerful. So raw and real. It's inspired me to do something. I'm not sure what yet, but something. And pretty soon.
I have also been thinking a lot about Religious Tolerance. In a group I started at my school in which we choose an issue each month and make people aware of it and stuff, we are focusing on this issue for December due to all of the Holidays. My mother, for an example, doesn't seem to accept my religion. This is killing me. I don't know what to do about it. I can't stand not being accepted by my mother. And I don't know if I can handle it much longer. Good thing she is gone for a few days now. We can talk about it when she gets back hopefully.
Do you know what annoys me? When people take forever to respond to friend requests on Facebook. It always annoys me. I don't know why. Whether or not I care for this person or not. It annoys me more when they just don't friend you. (Only happened once, this guy did it to the whole group of us.) That's just rude. What do they think I'd take the time to Facebook stalk them? Pft.
I just finished my college apps on Friday. Isn't that exciting? All done. I'm applying to eight schools. Two early, and these last six regular decision. It's great to have that burden off of my shoulders now. But still, I have so much more to do, I don't even know what to do with myself. Now, I have to run off and make a to-do list... or shoot myself. Either or. Haha. Just kidding. I'm not that overloaded... yet.
Much Love,
~ Jenna