In Light of the Holiday...

In light of the holiday, which is today, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I am going to reveal something slightly odd and creepy about myself. First, I shall tell you what brought me to the conclusion of wanting to talk about this.
Last night, we had a speaker at my school come and speak about Martin Luther King Jr and stuff. This may sound bad, but it was boring, I'd heard it all before. It was all facts, no passion. I want some passion when you speak of such things, or I'm just going to file it away with the other boring speakers I have seen over the years. Anyway, he spoke of diversity. And at one point, he mentioned interracial couples and how they used to be illegal.
Well, he's my creep factor. I love interracial couples. I don't know why, but when I see an interracial couple I find it adorably cute. Cuter than a cute, non-interracial couple. Who knows why? I don't. But I have always adored and admired interracial couples. It's a little creepy to people watch enough to notice this about myself. But hey, I've got 18 years of people watching skills under my belt. I know what I enjoy seeing and what I don't. Like creepy fat dudes in the back of the subway. I don't enjoy people watching them. But interesting females with multiple piercings, mothers with rowdy children, men with briefcases on their cellphones, and more are things I enjoy watching. Included in that list would be interracial couples.
Call me creepy. But it's true. And now you know...
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Who ever is posting comments, if it's the same person, you're great. I love you! =D

Finally Picking Up My Broken Pieces

I've been thinking a lot lately. Soul searching, as you may call it. I have realized multiple things about myself. It's kind of crazy how much you can figure out when you just sit down and think about it. Take yourself out of your own shoes for a bit. Then put yourself deep inside your head for a sharp contrast. A lot can happen. So over deep thinking and a lot of tears, I have come to multiple conclusions. All of which I will list.
I'm incredibly stubborn and unforgiving. I will also assume you have wronged me, and that I have done nothing wrong, even if the wronging was mutual. I'm going to work on this. I preach forgive and forget, but I never really follow it in my heart of hearts. I'm going to start this now. I'm working on it. A few people at a time. Some of the people I have to contact scare me a bit. Not them, but what may happen. But I have to stop fearing the necessary. Fear is crippling. So, I can hold a grudge. I'll change that. I will.
I make false promises to myself. I tell myself I'm going to do something, and I never really do it. You know? I am bent on getting something done, like homework, or RP posts, or even talking to someone about something, and it never gets done. And I blame it on me not having enough time. I have plenty of time. I just waste it thinking about nothing and doing nothing. I really need to get cracking if I want to make it anywhere in the world.
I am incredibly dependent. I like to tell myself I'm a strong independent young woman. But I'm not. I need people to lean on. Without people to lean on I'd be a mess. Thus why I was a mess years ago. I didn't think anyone had my back. Little did I know, many people cared. I need to think that constantly. I'll never be alone. I have friends and family who love me. Loneliness is only a state of mind. It's not a reality. Not for me, at least.
I recently have semi-mastered the art of seeing auras. I can see the auras of many people, though color is still something that is difficult. And for some reason, I can't see them well on my friends. Anyway, I see some people out there in the world have gorgeous auras. I feel like these people have wonderful hearts, like they are just great people once you get to know them. This has really clouded my vision on my own feelings. I want to befriend people and such for the wrong reasons. I realize this. I know who these people I have been "crushing over" are. And I'm going to stop that. I'll find real reasons to befriend them. Not possible reasons. I'm not that good yet. I could be wrong.
As much as I try not to. I care too much about public opinion. I dissect everything I do before I do it. Who I'm friends with. Who I sit with at lunch. Who I like. What I do. etc. All because I think people care enough to... care. You know? It's stupid. I don't notice those things, why should they? And who cares? If I'm happy than to hell what they think! That's how I'll actually try to think now. I'm not going to just say I think it. I'm going to think it.
Yup. That's it for now. Soul searching, ftw. Let's see if it all works out. I feel fulfilled in a way. Writing it down, thinking about all of it. Wish me luck! I wish you luck in your own soul searching.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

New Year, New Beginnings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! It's officially 2010. A year I have been waiting for for as long as I remember. It's the year I graduate high school and start college. And, as of this moment, my gut feeling is that it's going to be epic. I mean, really. I just have this feeling that it is going to be the best year yet. And I'm going to live it so. No regrets. Live life to the fullest. Hold nothing back. That's my plan.
So, first things first. My New Year's Resolutions. I post them on my forum earlier. So I'll just copy/paste/tweak them here. I always do ten. Some are little, some big, some nearly impossible. I don't plan on making all ten. At least five. That's my goal. Well, here they are.
1. Get into a college I want to go to, and somehow find enough money to fund it.
2. Graduate with at least Cum Laude from high school.
3. Give my senior speech during chapel, holding nothing back.
4. Get a good summer job.
5. Become a finalist for the playwriting competition I'm entering.
6. Procrastinate less.
7. Work out and get toned and sexy. XD
8. Start 2011 off with a New Year's kiss from someone special. =D
9. Get a tattoo.
10. Reconnect with people I have lost touch with.
Yup. Those are mine. Hopefully I can make a few, some will definitely by more difficult than others. If you'd like, comment with your own resolutions. I'd love to hear them.
So, I made 46 posts in 2009. The most of any past year. Which is exciting. We made 100 posts all together this year as well. I changed the blog name. Which was also exciting. So much has happened in one year, as usual. I can't even remember half of the stuff I'm reading back on. Bad things, good things. Let's hope for more good this year, okay? Well, good luck everyone with the new year. See you later!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Hi. It's me. Just wanted to wish you a happy New year! It's exciting. 2010. Well. I'll post later with some resolutions and a year review. But I'm on a train now texting blogger. So... I'll be posting later. Love you readers. Few that you are. <3