Happy Holidays?

So this was my first Christmas in my life as officially, in my mind, a non-Christian. And let's just leave it as saying it was... difficult. My mother, who has recently found out about my religious twist and is attempting to convert me back, made me go to Church. And, in my opinion, no offense to the Roman Catholics I know, but when observing the church service from an outsiders point of view. Roman Catholicism is the least passionate religion I have ever seen. They fricken chant and sit and stand and no one sings and it is boring as hell. No passion in the voices of the priests. I never would have believed that anyone in that church truly believed in a higher power. It was a show. An attempt to have a religion. No passion.
I'm not saying all Christians are this way. The Baptist church has a hell of a lot of passion. Even the Espiscopal church you can feel it. But the Roman Catholic church, at least the services I have been to (And I've been to a number of different churches in my time) are not passionate at all. Maybe that is why the religion never gripped me. I need to do something with my belief with my passion and love for my gods. And Catholicism did nothing for me. And that is all I have to say about it. Oh, and in my religion we don't eat our god. That's just wrong. Thank you.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Happy Holidays! Those past, present, and future!!!

Anger is For Those Who Aren't Calm Enough to Be Passive Aggressive

Do you know what I hate? When people shirk their duties. Then, leave you to deal with your own duties as well as yours. And when everything falls apart, it makes you look bad. When really, they couldn't have done it on their own either. But you were the only one put in the situation. And you would never do the same for a long unexplained period of time.
You start a commitment; you have to stay with it. Hence the name, commitment. I'm angry with some people for this. I never thought I would be angry with these specific people, but I am. I've been left to deal with something on my own. And now, it's falling apart. And well, who does it look like is at fault. Me. Cause I was the only one there. But I struggled to keep it afloat. But, just like these people who left me because they had so much going on in their lives. I have the same. My life is a fricken whirlpool of things right now. But we don't consider other people's lives when we shirk our duties. No, we just leave them to fend on their own.
I've been singing my ass off for all these concerts this week and next week. Teachers are piling the work on due to Holiday break coming up soon. I'm stage manager in this year's musical, which is more work than you might think. My parents weren't home all week, I had to deal with my grandparents and help them with my little siblings. It snowed for the first time this year, and thus led to my first driving experience on the snow. I hydroplaned, almost killed myself, and thus was shaken for a day. I told my mom something recently, and we have yet to talk about it, but our relationship seems slightly strained. All my friends are learning about Early Decision colleges all around me. I have to comfort or congratulate them, while worrying myself. And on top of all that, throw a guy into the picture and a few overly needy friends who force me to go to every meal with them and you have a small extent of my problems.
So yeah. My life is not a cakewalk right now either. But I have kept up with these duties. Or at least put on the semblance of it. Now these people are going to whisk back in and look like the heroes. Leave Jenna in the dust again. As usual. I'm always the second thought.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

The Annoyance of Affection

Do you know what annoys me? When I like someone. I don't mean just like them as a person. Like as in possibly romantically. It can be such a nuisance! I often mask my slight annoyance for it with excitement to close friends. But at this point in my life I have began to be annoyed by it. Not the person I like. Just the god damn rush of emotion that it usually puts you through.
Sometimes you want to act casual, like you don't like them and are just a friend. Other times you should act flirty. And do you tell them? Yes? No? Who the fuck knows? Not me. It's just an annoying rush of feelings to me. Enjoyable at times. But still. Annoying. And with my luck, it usually ends badly or goes no where at all. Which turns me off to the whole process even more.
Another thing that is annoying on the subject of romance and such. When you like more than one person. Yup. That is very annoying. Cause sometimes one wants to focus their efforts. And you can't when your efforts want to go two different directions. That is annoying. Oh! Another. When the person you like is not exactly socially acceptable or something. Like your friends would find it weird if they knew. Or maybe they are just in a totally different social group from you. So, one it is difficult to see them. And two. It just doesn't work.
Ranting. I know. But the whole damn process annoys me. I liked the period of time in my life about two months ago where I didn't like anyone. It was so easy. I could just whisk around life not caring about those around me. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Butterflies just don't look good on me. Er... in me.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

100 Posts?!?

Yes. Finally I have made it to the benchmark number of posts that I was looking to reach about a year ago. I know. I'm such a slacker. But the blog is now over three years old and has 100 posts. That's damn exciting. How many active followers do I have? None. Wow. Great.
Hahaha. Well, either way I shall continue. If I ever become famous people will look back and read all about my crazy wacked up life and how I talk about it with my mind. It will be epic. Quite possibly.
Fro someday, I'm going to be famous. I know it. People are going to know my name, and for good reasons of course. I want to make a difference in this world. A big one. And the only way to make a crazy big difference in this world is for people to know you. For you to be famous. And I don't mean famous like celebrity. No. They are lame famous. Like famous, meaning epic. Extreme. I don't know. Someday I'll be it.
Well either way, excuse my rant. Enjoy the last 100 posts. It's been fun writing these years. I hope to continue for even longer!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

A Bit of Inactivity

I'm sorry faithful readers who are probably no more. I have gone through yet another bout of inactivity. It's just been school, college apps, my forum, finishing some plays, friends, family, other people, etc. A lot has been going on. I have a lot of things on my mind. So I've come back to you little 'ole blog. I missed 'ya. I don't really even know where to start today. I have so much I'm thinking about.
I found this website today. Through postsecret actually. If you don't know what postsecret is go here. But that's not what I'm going to talk about in this paragraph. I'm going to talk about Fifty People One Question. This is a website that has a number of short films on it. The films are so powerful. So raw and real. It's inspired me to do something. I'm not sure what yet, but something. And pretty soon.
I have also been thinking a lot about Religious Tolerance. In a group I started at my school in which we choose an issue each month and make people aware of it and stuff, we are focusing on this issue for December due to all of the Holidays. My mother, for an example, doesn't seem to accept my religion. This is killing me. I don't know what to do about it. I can't stand not being accepted by my mother. And I don't know if I can handle it much longer. Good thing she is gone for a few days now. We can talk about it when she gets back hopefully.
Do you know what annoys me? When people take forever to respond to friend requests on Facebook. It always annoys me. I don't know why. Whether or not I care for this person or not. It annoys me more when they just don't friend you. (Only happened once, this guy did it to the whole group of us.) That's just rude. What do they think I'd take the time to Facebook stalk them? Pft.
I just finished my college apps on Friday. Isn't that exciting? All done. I'm applying to eight schools. Two early, and these last six regular decision. It's great to have that burden off of my shoulders now. But still, I have so much more to do, I don't even know what to do with myself. Now, I have to run off and make a to-do list... or shoot myself. Either or. Haha. Just kidding. I'm not that overloaded... yet.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Crazy Ole' Me

I have a new vlog for all of you. I'm kind of talking really fast in this, but it's good. I talk about college, like my last post. And a new Roleplaying site, which I plan on giving more detail on later this week. So enjoy it and all that. The default pics it always chooses for my videos are horrible!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

The Best Years of Your Life?

So I spent my whole entire day today writing and setting up college applications. Yes, I am applying to college this fall. And it is pure hell. Everyone at my school is getting so competitive. Wondering who is applying where and why and how much they like it. It's kind of insane. I feel myself even feeling badly toward my friends. Which I need to stop asap. I love my friends, and they can apply wherever they want, right? Yes. Even if it is one of my tops and they are more likely to get in...
Well, anyway... I finished a bunch today. My whole common app essay, though it still needs editing, and i got myself organized on my supplements. I know what I need to do and when. I'm applying to two schools EA. (Early Action) It will be good to know I'm in college sometime soon. That makes me very happy.
It's pretty much totally stressing me out though. This whole college thing. I can't wait until it is over and I know where I am heading next year. That will be exciting. I hope to go somewhere super cool and awesome. But all the colleges on my list are that, so I'm good. I'll keep you updated.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

The Way Of The World

I'm upset. I'm like beyond upset right now, in fact. I can not believe that someone would go out of their way to destroy someone else. It is... unthinkable to me. I mean, I know it happens but now that it is happening to me. I just can't believe it. I just can't. Well, it is not happening directly to me. More to a friend. A wonderful person whom I wouldn't think anyone would want to harm. But there is someone out there trying to bring us down. They want to destroy what we have created though they have their own better version of it. It's just petty and... insane. I don't even know how to deal with it I'm so upset.
But it's the way of the world, isn't it? The world is full of such people who want to stay on top. Who can't take a little competition. It's frustrating and many other things I can't even express right now. This thing I'm speaking of, that is being brought down by this douche bag is what has been taking up all my time lately. Thus, unable to blog. I'm sorry for that. But I'll fill you in more later. I just needed to vent for a second.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

First Day of Classes! Woot! Woot!

All righty folks. Here I am. I should be doing the homework that I got today (Though it isn't much yet.) but I'm not. I know, already procrastinating. I'm that cool. Well, I'm sitting here on the computer and out come a plethora of new sophomores and juniors. I guess they have something in the computer lab. I just feel odd sitting here and they are all sitting here around me... all new and stuff. XD Well, whateves. I'm being friendly. Not overly so. But it's good. I think they are looking at me weird now that I'm typing so rapidly. Hahaha.
But my point of this is to talk about school. Cause this year is my senior year and that's just plain exciting. I have decided to hold nothing back as well. Nothing at all. So far it's working. I've been kind of eccentric, but who cares? That's me! Everyone can just deal with dealing with the real me, instead of the me they may have seen before. It's rather exciting in fact.
My classes have been next to ordinary. Nothing special. Average and all that. I had psychology and statistics, because I'm that cool and that smart. But they were good. It will be good to have those classes contrasting my two AP's. Both of which will start tomorrow.
Tomorrow! Tomorrow is my birthday, by the way. I'm very excited. I'll be eighteen. I'll try and get on here to post and all that. So you can hear all about it. But now I must go... attempt to do my homework. Hahaha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

So boredum calls as I wait for my siblings at the bus stop, I also haven't posted in forever so... Here I am! Nothing much to say. My birthday is in a week. Eighteen! Also, school will be starting soon. My brother left for college. I went to the cape with my friends for Labor Day weekend. Nothing else really... I've spent a lot of time doing nothing and I have a ton of something to do. Oof. I know, I'm exciting. Well, more indepth details will come later... It's hard to text such a long message... And they still aren't here! Damn buses...

I Don't Know If I'm Ready For This...

I'm going to be turning eighteen in a matter of weeks now, a legal adult. It's starting to scare me out of my mind, to tell you the truth. For by the time my birthday arrives, many things are and should be happening.
My older brother is going to college. I know my opinion doesn't matter, but I don't think I want him to go. He's my only older brother and he's been there for me, in a sense, my entire life. Now he's going away to college and I'm starting to look at colleges. I know it's going to be quite awhile now when we have the whole family together at once. And soon, he'll move out completely and we'll never live together again. It's rather depressing.
I'm starting my senior year as well. This is on one side totally awesome, the other side incredibly frightening. As I said before, I'll be looking at colleges, but I'll also be attempting to keep my grades up, juggling two AP courses, writing a large number of plays, and a hack of a lot of other things. And that doesn't even mention the inevitable drama of a high schoolers life. Not that I didn't have enough drama during the summer to last me a school year.
I should be getting my license and a job soon too. Yes, I know I should already have my license by the age of eighteen, but a lot of things came up. And well, you don't want to get me started on the issue. I feel different this year too, and hopefully it will be good different, but who knows. I don't think I'm ready to "grow up" yet though. I'll legally be an adult, but I don't think I can handle the adult world yet. I'll just have to ready myself over the course of my senior year. This is going in be difficult in many ways, this year...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

How Many Days Left?

Half of me is counting down the days of summer boredom, waiting for them to end. The other half is freaking out inside because I still have a TON of stuff to do before I'm ready to go back to school. But I think I'll have time, so I'm mostly waiting for them to end. Haha.
This summer has been quite eventful. Even more so than the last summer when I got hit by the car. Then again, that was only one big event. This summer has had many little events. And that's the way I like it. I feel like I have made some lifelong friends in my different places and ways. I've become a little too trusting, but my confidence is through the roof compared to where it was this time last year.
I'm really excited for my senior year. I like the person I am right now. I'm a good person again. I think I can really make a splash if I try and I'm thrilled with the possibilities. Yes, there are some things I wish I hadn't done this summer and some things I'd still like to change about myself. But I'm working on that. No regret, remember?
So just a quick update while my life is still going slow. School starts in less than a month and my birthday is in exactly a month. I'll be eighteen. Scary, huh?
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Gaining Popularity?

I think I am! I seem to get more people checking out my blog now. Though... I still only have one faithful follower in the official sense. But I've gotten some friend invites on youtube and I have at least three subscribed. It makes me happy. Very happy. Which is good, because lately I have been sad. And it sucks. I hate being sad.
But the point of this post is to give you my new vlog update. I put two more up, one of which I made in June. That one you'll have to go to my youtube channel to view. I have the link to that somewhere on the right. But the other one I'll put right here. So enjoy! Don't forget to follow me on blogger, subscribe on youtube, and follow me on twitter as well! Love you guys soooo much! Viewers and readers are great! (Even if I happen to know all of them personally... I always thought it would be cool to have some random people I don't know read this...)
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Too Much Makes For Too Little

I haven't been posting, yet. And unlike my usual excuse, that there is nothing to write about, there is too much to write about now. Way too much is happening in my life right now and all at the same time. It's the summer time! This isn't supposed to happen now. But it is, and I've got to deal with it. Or rather... not. You see, the problem with this is that when this occurs in my life, instead of addressing these problems, I ignore them all. And I'm perfectly okay with that. At the moment I'm leaving them all be.
But still. They are there breathing down my neck. Humph. This is a short post but I'm so distracted right now that I can't post more. Damn it. Yes, I swore on my blog. Go cry about it. Yes, I am also being kind of cruel on my blog. Now good bye for now.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Blocked Against Good-byes...

Do people really get better at saying good-byes? Or do we just learn to block our heart from the pain. I mean, I just left twelve other people most of which I had gotten quite close to, for possibly ever. I may never see them again. It's almost definite that I'll never see all of them again. Yet, I am not tearful... yet. When I left people in India, I bawled my eyes out right away. But then again, four months is a big difference from a week. I still think I should be more emotional about this. Good-byes are hard... but am I getting used to them?
This experience was the most amazing thing ever. Second to India, definitely. But this was also all the awesomeness packed into one week, rather than four months. So, it is very different. A full week of awesomeness is now over. I hate endings. Even happy ones. We had better have a "reunion" or something. I have to stop or I may start crying on the train. I'll look very odd crying on the train. Haha. So yeah, I'm on the train home. I'll keep ya posted about my now boring summer. I might be getting a job... But I am at the theatre too. That will be interesting. So yeah, keep watching!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

I'm Done! Woo-hoo!!!

I just finished my amazing play. It's super awesome. You know, for that playwriting workshop I've been at this week. My play is super emo though. It's kind of funny how emo it is, in fact. But it's okay, I love being emo!!! Woot!
I am so excited about tomorrow night! We're having a staged reading of all the plays from everyone doing the program. It will be awesome. I can't wait to see everyone else's. We have been seeing each other's work throughout the week. But that is on the whim stuff. This, on the other hand, we actually have been editing and putting effort into. So it will be completely different. I think I'm going to shock some people.
So yeah. Done. Done. Done. By the way, this thing has been awesome so far. We started a Facebook group because we're super cool and all that. I really genuinely like the majority of these people, almost all of them in fact. Actually, I do like all of them, just some things annoy me that a small number of them do. But nothing to dislike about.
Finally, I've done something by myself with no friends with me and I'd say it was successful. I actually have grown as a person I think, even though it hasn't even been a full week yet. New people always make you grow as a person. It makes me happy, I'm overly happy right now. Yay!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Writing... Writing... Writing...

So I'm here in New York for that program I was talking to you about. It has been amazing so far. So much fun, and in... how many days?... Three, I've learned a hell of a lot. So yeah, I'm happy about that. Very happy in fact. Plus I have been writing non-stop due to it. And you all know how much I love to write. Hahaha.
The people here are really cool and interesting people. I need to stop being shocked about the people in groups I end up with. I, for some reason, expect them all to be the same. But they never are. Shocking, eh? I mean, there are similarities about everyone, but each person is their own unique character. And characters they are. There is no one who would bore me if I saw them in a play or movie. All interesting in their own way.
This being the first thing I've ever done "by myself," I expected it to be a lot harder to get adjusted and be myself. But on the contrary, it was so much easier. There was no one I knew to hold me back from being the person I wanted to show. I really like that feeling. So I have been myself, more and more coming out each day scaring people. Haha. But they're theatre people too. They shouldn't be scared!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

In the Air... Or Just About

Yo dudes. I'm at the airport right now waiting for my flight to be called for New York. I'm super uber excited, so much that I don't know what to do with myself... Therefore, I am writing an entry for my blog, that once again I cannot post until I have internet. There is internet here in this airport but you have to pay for it, and why would I pay for it just for a blog post and less than an hour. If I was here for four hours, I may consider. But I'm not, so I'm... not.
Anyway, I'm excited. If I meet Steven Soundheim I will have to take a picture. Even if he resists I shall make him take a picture with me. After I faint of course. I don't think I'd be able to be in the presence of my biggest and greatest idol without fainting. That is, if I meet him. Oh I hope to dear god that I will. It would make me life... Ahh!!! I'm sooooo excited! I can't even talk about how excited I am that's how excited I am. Actually, it's all I'm talking about!!! In about three hours I shall be at the most awesome week long summer program I have ever encountered! I can hardly wait!!!
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. I'll keep you posted!

I'll Just Call My Connects

First off, I'm adding four posts, including this one today. I finally have internet to post these things. I'm only in Hilton Head for two more days, then I will probably have more internet but less time, while in New York. So yeah, read these now. More will come later.
Secondly, the point of this post. I love my Step-dad, and I love his job. I am making so many connections! People who work for the AHL know so many people. The reason I'll get into college is because of them. Hahaha. Nothing to do with me... except for the fact that I've made them love me. Haha. But really, I have a bunch of people telling me how awesome I am and how they want me to come visit them. That may be the wine talking, but it's still makes me feel happy. It's official that two people have told me I have a strong ego, in a good way. Haha.
Well, I love people and I love connections. It will be good. My life shall be good now. Haha. There's a ego for you. Eh, I don't have anything else to write right now, so short post. Plus, Mulan is on TV and distracting me. Haha. Love that movie!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Rain, Rain, Go or Stay?

Yo, yo, yo. Signing in again to talk about... Guess what... Don't know? The weather!!! (Yes, again...) But this time in a different sense. In the sense of rain, rather than temperature. (Which, by the way, is quite comfortable at the moment.) It is raining bunny rabbits right now! As well as the usual cats and dogs, that's quite a lot of rain. It's so cool because our condo thing has all these sunroof windows so it is pounding down like there's no tomorrow.
It's been raining non-stop for like two months back at home, so coming here to Hilton Head was supposed to be a break from constant precipitation. Well, no dice I guess. It's raining here now too. And a lot. But I'm not sure if I like it or not. It is really cool rain, with thunder and stuff, the works. But it is also keeping me off the beach, which is quite sad... It is keeping me from tanning my incredibly white skin...
But I don't know... It ought to go soon so I can gain my healthy glow and lose my creepy paleness. Hahaha. Tangent warning... My parents are complaining about my eating again. I barely ever eat and they seem to be convinced that I'm always eating!!! When stuck at home I eat frequently, but little amounts. I don't eat a lot and it pisses me off when they call me out for it one day and then yell at me for not eating all day and realizing this at dinnertime. Gosh darn their... I can't think of the word, but gosh darn it!
Anyway, the weather... Actually, I think that's enough of that. I'm going to go back to the writing of my new play, Sequin Confetti. Love ya!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Weather You Like It Or Not

All right, here I am in Hilton Head. But you probably won't read this until I'm out because I won't be able to post it until then. The internet in our rented condo house thing sucks. My brother just got an itouch and he can't do anything with it because he has no internet. It's kind of funny... in a cruel older sister kind of way. Today is his Birthday too... I shouldn't think so meanly of him. Hahaha...
Well, today my topic is the weather. No, this is not idle conversation chat. This has a purpose... and probably a rant. To be specific about the weather, the temperature. Have you ever noticed that when it is cold outside people crank up the heat so it is very warm inside? Or when it is hot outside people do the opposite and make it very cold? It doesn't make sense, we should just try and make the temperature comfortable inside at all times. I don't like to have to get a blanket because I'm cold inside when it is 90 degrees outside.
I'm not complaining about it being hot or cold outside. I'm complaining about people with itchy thermostat fingers. When they come inside from the heat, they want to be bathed in cool air, not comfortable room temperature air. It's a waste of energy, that's what it is. And it is not green in the slightest. Stop it people, if you're one of them, stop it. I'll still love you if you do.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. When I get back, I'm going to attempt to do that vlog I promised. Plus, I have a new surprise in store that I'd like to introduce with the vlog. See you in two weeks!
P.P.S. Happy Birthday to my brother Dan!!!

Why So Short?

Hey guys, I'll be going to Hilton Head tomorrow and then New York, so don't expect too many posts for about two weeks. Trust me; it's going to torture me more than you. One, because I doubt many of you care about this blog all that much... note the sarcasm that would have heard if I spoke this aloud on the phrase "many of you." Hahaha, it's true, don't deny it. No one reads this. But it is for my own pleasure, not yours. If it brings you pleasure too, then so be it. Anyway, two. I will not have internet. I live on the internet. Half of my life is on the internet. I'm going to die without it. A painful death... well, maybe.
So, on to the point of this post, shorts. My mother and I went shopping earlier today for some last minute things for our trip. I decided I needed a pair of black shorts. The only kind of black shorts I have are the sporty kind, you know. So I needed a nicer pair. Problem is, all the shorts are... short. I mean, they take the name quite literally. Either I get Bermuda shorts down to my knees or I get booty shorts that make me look like a skank. So I have to choose, dweeb at the beach or prostitute at the beach. That is quite frustrating, let me tell you. I eventually found a pair that was reasonable. Leaning toward the skank side, but reasonably okay. It is just quite odd that shorts are so short now a 'days. This makes me sound old, but I remember when they were at a comfortable length. Well, maybe it's my age and people my age are supposed to want to look like skanks. Because when I was in elementary school and shopping in the kids section, I never had this problem...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

I've Looked Into The Eyes Of The Beast...

...And his name is laziness. Yup, that's right, I've been just plain lazy lately and I don't know why. The free time that I had is running out and I have things to do and I'm not doing them. I don't even know what I'm doing instead. Useless things. Multiple useless things at the same time. It's kind of insane.

Now I have many things to do and I have yet to do them. Great. I'm productive. Hahaha. Well, as you may have seen I added my twitter feed to the blog. I'll update that each time I update this and more when I feel like it. So follow me if you want. I also added some of my favorite music, just for fun. So enjoy that too.

Anything else... Well, I can't think of it... Life's been pretty boring. Oh yeah! I'm going to Hilton Head on the 4^th and then I leave there to go to New York City on the 11^th and I'm there until the 19^th or so. So my posting, as it has been, will be pretty patchy... But I'll try. Espeicially the second week since that should be eventful.

Well, that's all I can think of to write today. Follow me on Twitter and friend me on Youtube!!!

Much Love,

~ Jenna

My Hovercraft is Full of Eels

Yes. That's right. My hovercraft is full of eels. Hahaha. Well actually, I found this website that gives average phrases in multiple different languages. Phrases like, "Hello," or "What's your name?" But at the end of the list is my favorite one, all because it is odd and unecassary... "Why hovercraft is full of eels." Why they put it, I don't know. But I found this to be a fun thing to share with you. Short post, since I posted already today. But you'll have fun with this one.
CLICK HERE and learn how to say, "My hovercraft is full of eels," in multiple languages!
Now go. Have fun and learn. Hahaha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Don't ask me how I found this. I don't even know...

Should I Wish I Was Different?

I have always treated myself in a way that I could never wish I was a different person. Even when I was a mess of a person doing stupid things and stuff, I didn't wish I was different. I did things to change myself and I looked forward to that new person in my future, but I never wished I was different at that moment. But lately... I've been feeling that I should be different. That the person I am now is not good enough for the world I try to place myself in... No. She's just not the type of person wanted in that world.
I piss myself off by changing my persona. I have literally done it three times in the last year. I started as a little depressed manic who changed when I went to India into a person I actually genuinely liked. But when I came back from India. I attempted to maintain the person I liked but I felt the person I was, was what people expected. So I got stuck in the middle somewhere. Now I feel like I'm just a narcissistic person who doesn't give a crap about the world in everyone in it.
It's very hard to put on that act when you don't actually feel it. I care for a lot of people. I just don't know how... I find myself losing touch with people, not calling my friends over the summer, all because I feel like I'm not the person they want to see. So I put on the act that I don't care, when really I'm doing all of this because I care. But mostly... so, I don't get hurt.
I really don't know what to do about this. Excuse my philosophical rant... There are a few people I wish would read this actually, but probably won't. Maybe it would explain some stuff I've been doing. Though, none of it is excusable.
Much Love, Truly,
~ Jenna

Free Time? What Free Time?

Okay... I know I've been slow... aka I haven't posted in two weeks. Well, those of you who have followed me from the beginning know that I get slow during the summer. Very slow. Sometimes so slow that I don't write for months... even after summer. Well, I'll try not to do that. But I must warn you, I have reasons to be slow this summer.
I'm starting an internship with a theatre in the city, which will be almost every day. So that will take up my time. I also want to get a job... though at the moment that looks unlikely... So probably just babysitting as usual. And... I'M GOING TO AN AMAZING SUMMER CAMP THAT I HAVE WANTED FOR LIKE... TWO YEARS!!! AHH!!! Yeah... I'm excited about that. It shall be amazing! And I'm not even just hoping that, I know that. This is spot on amazing, ten days in NYC. I'm uber excited. A playwriting bonanza! So, that will take up my time. Both physically, those ten days, and mentally as I prepare for this amazingness. I may meet my idol!!!
So yup... lots to do this summer. As well as completing the common app which comes out on July 1st and narrowing down my list of colleges. Yes... I am applying to college next year. My brother is going next year, which should help me on prospective. But now it's my turn and I haven't decided if I'm excited or nervous yet. Probably a combo...
All righty then, that's enough for now. I'll update when I have time. But I will most likely spend my free time role-playing and playing the Sims 3, which is super awesome btw. Go buy it. I'll be posting some vlogs soon. One really bad one... and one I haven't done yet. But they'll be up. Do not fret.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

At it Again...

Okay, I know. Now I'm just being lazy. I have more time on my hands than I've had in over a year, and I can't even post! Well, I'll have you know I have been doing things. I have not been completely useless. I have something new in my life, well not really new... just renewed.
What's new in my life? I am roleplaying again. Wooh-hooh! *Does a happy dance* It makes me so happy, you can't really imagine. It's kind of sort of crazy. But the whole idea of creating a story with others and having your character interact with other characters is awesome. If anyone here has been following my blog since day one (aka none of you) you would know that I enjoy roleplaying. I think I have talked about it more than once on here. Well, that's new... But there are other things too.
I just finished drivers ed. (A little late, I know. But I have my viable excuses.) So now I can get my drivers license! Woot! I also went job hunting yesterday. I applied to a bunch of places online. Hopefully they love me. That would be nice. Cause I need the cash money. Cash money is good.
Well, I'm going to go back to my roleplaying peeps... Even though barely any of them are online now... Adios!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

But I Don't Even Eat Pork!!!

So yeah... I think I have the swine flu. Haha. A little late because the media blow out is over, but I think I have it. It is currently going around my school, during exam week of course, and everyone is getting sick. Unfortunately, I think a cold is going around too, in the summer. So, a lot of people who are freaking out, me included, probably just have a cold.
But I have a stuffy nose, my throat hurts, I can't stop sneezing and coughing and my whole body aches. But I don't have a fever! I've checked many times. So therefore, according to the swine flue expert, aka my mother, I don't have it. Yay! I'll just suffer with a nameless illness instead. They all say its allergies though. I never get them. But this year... I either have the swine flu, a cold, or allergies. I vote on the cold.
Anyway, to explain my title. I have been this for awhile now, but I finally found the actual title for it... du-du-du-dun! I am a semi-vegetarian!!! Yay!!! This means that I eat much like a regular vegetarian, but include poultry in my diet. Another word for this is flexetarian. But I don't really like that one... So I eat eggs, milk, all that, but no red meat or pork. So I wouldn't have gotten swine flu from that. Haha. I'm going to be a full fledged vegetarian eventually. My mom just cooks a lot of chicken and I didn't want to make it too difficult for her to cook me things or for me to eat. I have reasoning behind why eating chicken is okay too. But this post is long enough already. I may explain myself later.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. I have a vlog post I recorded on graduation day at my school. (Not at graduation though. Haha.) I'm too lazy too put it up right now. But I'll get it up and you'll know.

A Vlog For Your Wait

Yes, I know I've kept you waiting for so long. But today I posted three times!!! One, the finished version of my prom post. Two, the post before this. And three, this obviously. And this one is a treat! It's my second vlog post!!! Woot! Get ready for confetti!!!
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Yes, super short writing portion but I wrote before. Go read that!
P.P.S. Don't mind how ugly I look in the post. Close your eyes if need be. Haha.

My Poor Babies!!!

Yes I know my poor babies! I neglected you for almost three weeks now. I just posted my prom post that I started awhile ago and now I'm about to post vlog number two. So be grateful for my work for today! The last three weeks on the other hand... Well, I've been up to a lot of things. (As my Indian host father would say... No! Not those things you dirty minded people!)
It's the end of the year. Actually tomorrow is my last day of classes, then I have finals. So I've had papers and tests and the play's tech week. It was intense and loaded full of stuff, these last three weeks. Not a lot of interesting events though... except one...
I got into an amazing playwriting summer program!!! Ahh!!! Problem is... I can't pay for it... I need to find $1550 asap. I didn't expect to get in and my parents already pay for enough so... I need some cash money or I get my heart crushed... But I'm working on that... Sort of...
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. The vlog will be up pretty soon.

Super Awesome Light Up Shoes?

So I tested y'all from prom. I was sitting and eating dinner at that moment, con mi amigos/peeps. (Yes, both of those are pretty much the same thing.) Anyway, just wanted to tell everyone about it. It was not epic, far from it. But it was enjoyable. Which is nice. Right?
To tell you the truth it was like a normal dance at our school just with pretty dresses and a fancy dinner before hand. Nothing all that special really. After the dinner, which had fabulous deserts, btw. Everyone went down to the science building. (yes, prom was at our school) The science building is where the actual dance part was. It was decorated a bit, nothing too fancy except for totally random cardboard cutouts of celebs. (Someday people will have cutouts of me at their proms! XD)
So yeah... I danced with my peeps, drank water, sat around, etc until it ended. Nothing epic, as I said earlier. As you know I went with myself. I was an awesome date. Probably the best date ever. Hahaha. I did wear some awesome shoes though. They lite up when I walked, like those awesome sneakers people had when we were kids, except heels. They are so cool, if anything was epic it would have been them. Haha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Hey there guys. Guess what? I'm currently at prom! Blogging at prom! Haha. I'm eating dinner with my peeps right now. So far its been fun. Even though I'm going by myself. Haha. I look fab right now too. So fab! Haha. Just kidding. Well I have to go eat desert now... I'll blog again soon with the deats. < 3

Oof...

So it's been a few days. Wanna know why? It's because I have a amazingly powerful amount of work right now. And... it's pissing me off. Anyway, I have so much stuff to do I shouldn't really even be updating now. But you know what. I am! I'm waiting until 5:30 so I can go to the gym and go out to dinner then go to gospel choir then go home and attempt to dent my intense amount of work a little. Just a little...
Thankfully it is Tuesday and most of it is due around... Friday... and the beginning of next week. Thing is, I have my Environmental Science AP next Tuesday. Kill me!!! I just have so much to do... And nothing to write about but this... Wow, I'm creative.
I think I've written enough on this subject. I just wanted to warn you that I won't be on much for about a week or so.When I have time or I'm taking a break I may update... But its not like anyone reads this anyway... Haha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Hope you enjoyed my vlog! Please comment loves!

YouTube Stardom, Here I Come!!!

Here is my first "vlog" entry on YouTube. Isn't that fabulous! I finally did it! I'm so excited!!! Now I'm going to be a fabulous vlogging superstar! Woot!!! Hahaha. Yeah, right... In my dreams... Anyway... Please check out my channel appropriately named: BrightFlamingMadness.
I'll post everything on there as well as here. I put the link to this blog on my channel and blah, blah, blah. When I feel like it I'll post my channel link here as well. But for now you can just look me up. Ha!
Now, those of you who don't know what I look like can see. And those of you who do now have an excuse to stare at my lovely face even more. Hahaha. The starting picture is a little embarrassing... But the two other options were worse... YouTube is just great at picking unattractive faces, right? Anyway... now go watch my video. It's only an intro, but I hope you enjoy anyway...



You can also watch it on the sidebar in the widget thing... If you want to watch it again or something... Oh, and I'll put the horny squirrel up eventually. Don't worry. Hahaha.
Watch and enjoy!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Baby's First Beltane

It's my first Beltane as a self-proclaimed Wiccan. And so far it has been wonderful. Since everyone else had practice I had time all to myself to do as I pleased and not scare them with potentially odd practices. Though... I did refrain this year from dancing in the woods. Hahahaha.
Anyway, I meandered around campus taking pictures of flowers, plants and wildlife. It was very fun. I didn't go down to the woods and the lake thought, I should have. I know I will later this year to take some pics, so that will be nice.
I encountered a cat, some bees, and a horny squirrel. Yes, that is right, a horny squirrel. It was quite scary. He was making these odd noises that sounded like a frog, or maybe a motorcycle. I have him on video. I'll put it up later this week, it’s quite funny. He was actually calling to the cat I think... Which is odd...
It rained today as well, which is exactly what the day calls for. A little drizzle, not too much, but not none at all. It was perfect. A watery renewal for a day of new life! It was a good Beltane, and I plan on making next year better by actually doing something semi-religious... since I will hopefully be initiated by then... If I can get my butt into gear. Hahaha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Epic Fail.

I failed last night. I failed in front of young children and some peers. Yes, that's right. My audition went horrible. I have been looking forward to this for quite some time. And now that it actually happened, I failed. It sucks. And the worst part is... they rejected me. I get nervous when I sing in front of people who are judging me so I can't act. So they just saw me sing really bad. It was... fabulous...
The thing is, I also stuck out like a complete social misfit and theater geek. It takes some serious skill to stick out as a theater geek at auditions for a musical. I found it quite humorous actually. It was intense. Yeah...
Well anyway, some day they are going to regret not choosing me. I'll be a famous Tony award winning playwright and/or actress. And I will be fabulous and I will say to everyone who ever doubted my abilities, "Screw you!" Yeah! That's right!
Funny how something that should make me self-conscious and/or feel bad about myself makes me want to fight more. Hehehe. Good quality if it lasts...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Joy! Unspeakable Joy!

I just arrived home from after enjoying a fantastic Gospel Choir concert. (That sentence has horrible flow...) It was so much fun! It's so great to show to the people who come, the work we put into those songs all year long. It reminds me, once again, how much I missed it while in India. I even got up and spoke about that during the concert. Did you know the first gospel choir practice this year was on my birthday? And I was in India?!? It sucks. I would say it sucked balls but I don't talk with such harsh language. Hahaha.
Gospel Choir just means so much to me. I look forward to every Tuesday. The day-student dinners, the pray circles, and the singing. It's like another family. I love everyone in it. It really changed my view on the world and of my school. Now I wouldn't think of skipping it for the world... except when I have to. Like this Tuesday... But that's another story, for this Tuesday I guess! Now you can look forward to learning about the mysterious thing I'm doing next Tuesday! Ooooo! The anticipation is killing you, isn't it? Well, I'll let it do that... Adios!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Hey Look! A Can of Soup!

Do you know what pisses me off? (Well you probably know a lot about what pisses me off if you actually read this blog.) Labels. They piss me off to no end. They piss me off to the end of no end. But sadly, I follow along with them. I am guilty of calling someone a nerd, or a jock, or whatever else you can think of. But only because it is ingrained in our minds. It's like we're made to label things. Like different flavors of soup on the store shelves of life...
Not only are there the stereotypes of high school labels. But there are the ones people give themselves. "I'm a stay-at-home mom." "I'm straight edge." "I'm the handy-man of the house." "I'm bisexual." "I'm such a middle child." It just irks me to no end! These labels above may be true for some people. But do you have to label yourself as that? The stay-at-home mom could simply just refer to herself as a mom, and nothing more. Who cares that she stays at home!?! Only she needs to know that. I read something the other day about "LGBTQ's" calling themselves "Label Free." And that for some reason or another, made my day. I myself am straight, but I think even straight people can call themselves label free. Who needs a label?!? It gets ridiculous in our culture sometimes.
Okay. I'm done ranting about labels... For now. Hope you enjoyed that or learned something from it. Or most possibly were amused by it. Have a fantabulous day!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

That's it! I'm Bringing A Cat!

So. It's decided. I'm bringing a cat to prom. A nice little kitty that I find somewhere, check for lice and ticks, then put in a little cat suit/ tux and bring to prom. Awesome. Fabulous. I hope you know I'm kidding...
Anyway, I have decided that there is no shame in going by myself. Not that I thought there was before. But. I am going to assert myself as the happy independent single woman that I am by going all by my lonesome and looking H-O-T. (Not that I don't always look hot, I'll just continue looking hot. And I'll spell it instead.)
So how's that for you? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Not that you cared... It's just on my mind and I'm writing what is on my mind. I was just looking at prom dresses, that's why. And do you know what is happy? I can get an awkwardly colored one, or maybe even a printed one, because I don't have to match with anyone. Woot!
Eh... I have practice in twelve minutes. And I have to change and then walk up there. Fun. So... I'm going to leave you thinking of my sexy woman independence and my printed prom dress and possibly my cat date. Haha. I feel like I'll be back today... So... adios for now.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

The Rest Of Our Restless Lives...

I have a new play list of artists whom I have recently discovered and love. There is a concert with three of them all at once on May 6th or something... It's only ten dollars! The thing is, I have no one to go with. My mother says I need to find someone to drive me. And none of my friends like the genre of music I do. It's rather upsetting...
Speaking of upsetting... That's what life is right now. There are just a million things on top of each other pressing on my mental stability. And recently a few more things have been thrown on, threatening the balance of the precarious mountain of problems. And soon it's going to fall down and crash to the ground, spilling cookie crumbs all over the rug. And then little children are going to run around on the rug, pushing the crunchy chocolaty crumbs into the rug of my life. Fun. Huh? Let's hope it doesn't happen... But we're on a good course toward there.
Anyway, I don't want to bemoan too much. I've already found myself alone in bathrooms numerous times today. Alone, increasing the salt intake of my face. (aka, exercising my tear ducts... is it ducts?) Thank god I'm going home today. My mom just called me telling me she is home from Florida. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed tonight...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Stupid Quizes, Wasting Time

I just spent a good amount of my double free taking stupid personality quizzes. Yeah... That's right. I don't know why they appeal to me so. I know my personality! Why do I need some quiz probably created by a twelve year old to tell me what my personality is like, or how I act, or how smart I am, etc. It's ridiculous. But, its also addicting... Apparently, out of all the elemental wolves, I am a fire wolf. Interesting, eh? And out of the elements in general, I am Aether. That is pretty cool actually. (Yeah, I know I'm a dweeb.)
Now, I'm wasting my time writing on this blog. Wait! Did I say wasting my time? Hahaha. No way! I'm not wasting my time. I'm using it productively. Informing the world on what I do when I'm unproductive. That is, take stupid quizzes. Haha. I ought to go to lunch now. Or pester someone to go to lunch with me... Good plan. This is an uber short post. But who cares? (You better not!) I'm hungry. Haha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Hi everyone. I'm testing the new texting thing on blogger. I hope this works... I'm a really slow texter though. So, I'll probably only use this to post quick ideas to expand on later. Okay then. That's enough texting for now. Haha. ~ Jenna

Glitter and Frills

So, I'm having a lot of trouble here. I can't find a prom dress I want. No, scratch that, I can. But it takes up 20 days to get here and my prom is in less than three weeks. Great, fabulous, wonderful. So I'm kind of upset. I also can't order it now because my mother is in Florida without me. They all packed up and left for a week and left me here. Cruel, I know.
Anyway, all of the dresses I look at are too short or too low, and my Dad has been making fun of me calling the ones I vaguely like slutty. It's almost not even worth it to look anymore. I just shouldn't go! It's not like I have a date or anything, or will have one in the future. Knowing the people at my school that is... (I would say sorry to those at my school who may be reading this, but to most of you, I'm not.) At the moment I'm either going by myself, taking my eight year old brother or asking my older cousin to go with me. As you can see, my love life is hoppin'. Hahaha.
I just want a red dress, preferably halter, that is about knee length. And I have found only one meeting those criteria. Which is at this link --> HERE So check that out, tell me what you think. If it's worth the possibly stressful wait, then I'll get it. Maybe they do express mail...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Like a Lone Tree in an Open Field

Solitude. It is something I, for some reason, have been highly familiar with lately. (Yes I know first real post and on the same day as my revamp post. But who cares? Not me. This is how it’s going to go down now. 'Kay?) I find myself alone a lot. Maybe this is because I have no afternoon activity. Well... no real one. My afternoon activity this year is one scene in the spring play (shoot me) and afternoon art on Monday and Tuesday... So yeah, I find myself idle a lot due to this. And, since spring had regularly scheduled practices, everyone is in practice at around the same time. Which means... I sit in the comp lab alone... Or I go to the art center alone... Or I meander around campus alone... You get the point.
This has left me a lot of time to contemplate life. Hahaha. Yeah, right! Actually, I have just been worrying about things more and getting even less done. It's fabulous... not. But! I have a plan. I am going to start my play. This play is about some people doing stuff, I'm sure you'll like it. Haha. More specific plot points will come later... So. That is what I'll do. And I'll stop worrying about my lack of companions. And I'll stop thinking that my friends don't love me because they have commitments while I don't. Yup. Good stuff.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Revamp!

Hey guys,
I've probably just lost all of my readers because I changed the address of my blog. Not that I had any readers left anyway... Since I haven't posted in forever... And yes, I know I said I would post more, but a million things came up.
So instead... I revamped!!! As you can see I have a new background and a new name, a new fancy name. So now, instead of "Opposites Repel" my blog is now known as "Bright Flaming Madness." Yay!!! Awesome, eh?
I kept all my old posts for the fun of it... And now I shall be posting more!!! (Yeah right... I mean, yeah!) Shorter, more frequent posts is my plan. Good plan, in my opinion. I will still rant, rave, and what not. Put up lyrics and stories, etc. But if you have anything you want me to rant about please let me know! Thanks guys who aren't here!!! Love ya!!!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Who Has Time to Blog Anymore?

Wow. That's all I have to say about myself. I haven't written since November?!? And that was my first year blog anniversary. Sad. Very, very sad. Well, I bet you're wondering why I didn't write, right? Probably not. But I'm going to tell you anyway.
I had a lot of stuff going on. Vague, I know. You know I was in India and then a lot of stuff happened in India. Good, bad, in between. But mostly good. I won't get into that though. Hahaha. Those who know me know and if you really want to know get to know me. That makes sense, right? Anyway, what else? I came back from India. Surprise there? I started back at school. Again, surprise. Not much. But I am in a much better place mentally than I was when I last posted those depressing posts. Hmm... Let me go re-read them... Wow. I was a poor depressed creative attempting to make my life sound good by appearing to be happy. Not anymore!
I want you all to know I am a different person now. Happier, livelier, more annoying, and even more cynical. So much fun! So yeah, life is great. Really it is. People have noticed my change I guess. I feel so much better about myself, though I do sometimes fall back into the mope mood. But what can I say? Old habits die hard. Oh and that thing I wrote about two posts ago. Sort of solved, as much as it can be, and it makes sense now. Oh I love being vague!
So yeah, now to tell you what I'm going to do about this whole blog thing. I'm thinking of taking a different approach. Shorter posts more often. Just whenever something comes into my brain I'll post it here. I'll also be posting pictures and videos and commenting on them. It's going to be good. So be ready for the spiffy new Opposites Repel! Actually I might be changing the name so... keep an eye out for that. I'll tell you before I actually change it. Just in case I still have readers. Haha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna