Should I Wish I Was Different?

I have always treated myself in a way that I could never wish I was a different person. Even when I was a mess of a person doing stupid things and stuff, I didn't wish I was different. I did things to change myself and I looked forward to that new person in my future, but I never wished I was different at that moment. But lately... I've been feeling that I should be different. That the person I am now is not good enough for the world I try to place myself in... No. She's just not the type of person wanted in that world.
I piss myself off by changing my persona. I have literally done it three times in the last year. I started as a little depressed manic who changed when I went to India into a person I actually genuinely liked. But when I came back from India. I attempted to maintain the person I liked but I felt the person I was, was what people expected. So I got stuck in the middle somewhere. Now I feel like I'm just a narcissistic person who doesn't give a crap about the world in everyone in it.
It's very hard to put on that act when you don't actually feel it. I care for a lot of people. I just don't know how... I find myself losing touch with people, not calling my friends over the summer, all because I feel like I'm not the person they want to see. So I put on the act that I don't care, when really I'm doing all of this because I care. But mostly... so, I don't get hurt.
I really don't know what to do about this. Excuse my philosophical rant... There are a few people I wish would read this actually, but probably won't. Maybe it would explain some stuff I've been doing. Though, none of it is excusable.
Much Love, Truly,
~ Jenna