From A Facebook Note: Thoughts

This is from a Facebook note I wrote earlier. It is about a speaker that came to our school last night. The reaction was intense. So here is my response:

All right. I'm just getting my thoughts out here. Read it if you wish.
So last night, the speaker. This woman, Eliza Byard the current head of GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Education Network), came and spoke to our whole school about many different things. I thought she was a fabulous speaker and had many good things to say. Then it came to the survey. Earlier, they had sent out a survey to our school on the "climate" of our community. Out of less than 400 students, around 230 completed the survey. More than half. When the survey results were displayed next to the national survey, it showed our school in a much better light than the rest of the country. Which, for me, gave me hope. Yes, there was still work to do, but we were on our way to a good place. But, apparently, there are some people who did not agree with the results.
Numerous students stood up and voiced their opinions on the data. Some said it was skewed, that there was a bias in those who actually responded, that there couldn't possibly be that many students who felt "unsafe" in such a "welcoming community." Well, in my opinion, such a "welcoming community" would be more open to things like this. Would be more open to realizing their flaws and trying to fix them. But no, we just decide to deny them and say that the statistical data is false.
I, honestly, was embarrassed. My peers and classmates embarrassed me and my vision of the school by being to blatantly close minded and offensive. I did the math and there had to be at least 50 people who answered to feeling unsafe at the school. At least 50. Possibly more. I don't care if the number was two, we should still take that into consideration and do something about it. Instead of denying it. I am one of those people. Ever since I decided I was Wicca I have felt unsafe. Both before and after I told everyone about it. No, not unsafe in a way that I think everyone is going to beat me up. But in a way that I fear people will talk about me, think I'm strange, treat me differently. There are people out there who feel that way. Just because you personally do not does not mean no one else does.
The close mindedness of the Brooks community appalled me. And the fact that we were defending how open and accepting we were! If we were open and accepting we would accept this data, don't you think? Don't argue about it. Do something about it. I've never felt so disconnected from Brooks as I did last night. I even had a moment where I wished I wasn't part of the community and I could stand up like that woman at the end and say I wasn't and state my opinion. But I couldn't. Cause I am part of Brooks. I know there are people out there that think like me about this issue. Please take a stand if you haven't already. The idiots that think they can hide facts with denial need to see that there are some of us who stand up for the data and know by personal experience what it is like to feel unsafe.
Thank you.


Much Love,
~ Jenna

Spring Break!

So yeah... I've been on spring break for the last three weeks. It's why I haven't posted. I know, you may say that having more time means I can post more. But for me, it doesn't work that way. The less time I have, the more work I do. I work better under pressure.
So I go back to school tomorrow, which is exciting. Very. And things start happening again, which is fabulous. But other than that I have very little to say today. I do want to mention my new writing blog I started. Not to replace this blog, but a blog to talk solely about my writing on. Here is the link: http://twistingthoughts.wordpress.com/ I'm hoping that goes well. Anyway, not much else to say so...
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Emotion

The amount of crazy emotion I have been feeling lately is kind of insane. Anything from super stress, angry, affection, happiness. All of it. My emotional track is like a roller coaster. And I'm not even PMSing! Thank god for spring break, which started yesterday, for now I have a break from at least the academic stresses, and some of the social ones. All of this stuff kind of drives me up the wall, in a way. I'm just not very good at handling a lot of stuff emotionally. I try, but it doesn't work all the time. This is now a ranting post, so it appears
Songs have been triggering a lot of feelings with me. Lyrics touching my soul, familiar melodies bringing back memories. I almost wish I could completely rule out music from my life so I wouldn't have to feel these things so strongly and remember so much. Not all of this is bad stuff, it is just strong. I always feel emotion very strongly. I don't know why. But I never half ass with emotion.
I just hope I can clear it all up and come back to school with a sane grip on my emotions for at least a month. Something always seems to shake me up so I lose grip after a while anyway. But maybe for a least a month I can be calm, cool, and collected. ... Yeah right.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Valentines Day.

I'm pretty sure I do an annual post about Valentines Day. I'm also pretty sure I say the same things every year. I don't feel like looking back because... this year I'm not thinking such things. I'm not thinking that Valentines Day sucks. I'm not getting annoyed with hand holding lovey dovey couples. I'm not pissed off about the fact that I'm single. Wanna know why? Cause I'm not.
Yeah, that's right. Jenna has a man again. XD And therefore, I am a Valentines Day hypocrite. It just makes you appreciate the holiday a bit more when you have a reason to. I mean, I still think it is a ridiculous hall mark holiday used to make money. But now, I can appreciate it's influence on the economy. Wait. That makes no sense. I'm just trying to make up for my hypocritical tendencies here.I'm sorry guys. But yeah, I'm liking V-Day this year.
I got a necklace too. =D We haven't been going out very long and he gave me a present. It was really nice and sweet and awesome. I baked cookies which I shall give him today. I hope he likes them, I'm not sure. But yeah... That's my Valentines Day. Sorry for not being bitter this year for all of you who like to be bitter. Just go read back and ignore my happiness. Hahaha.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

I have a question. Why are humans, as a species, so god damn curious? Explain to me, please, why this is. It's annoying that's all. I know I am too. But really, why must we know other peoples business? And them tell others? It's getting on my nerves. Anyway, much to blog about soon. Keep an eye out. =) <3

Thoughts

Sometimes. You pour your heart out to someone. Tell them everything and listen to everything they have to say. You heal them. You mend their soul and teach them to keep it healthy. To live. To want to live. Then, someday they have to move on. They go out into the world without you. They live and they are happy. And you are happy. And sometimes. They encounter someone like themselves. Someone that they have to heal and mend and love until this person feels their worth. Knows they are irreplaceable to the world. It is then that you know your job is done. And you hope that you did it well. You pray to whatever powers you believe in that you did a good job. That they will succeed like you did. And the love will continue to spread.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

In Light of the Holiday...

In light of the holiday, which is today, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, I am going to reveal something slightly odd and creepy about myself. First, I shall tell you what brought me to the conclusion of wanting to talk about this.
Last night, we had a speaker at my school come and speak about Martin Luther King Jr and stuff. This may sound bad, but it was boring, I'd heard it all before. It was all facts, no passion. I want some passion when you speak of such things, or I'm just going to file it away with the other boring speakers I have seen over the years. Anyway, he spoke of diversity. And at one point, he mentioned interracial couples and how they used to be illegal.
Well, he's my creep factor. I love interracial couples. I don't know why, but when I see an interracial couple I find it adorably cute. Cuter than a cute, non-interracial couple. Who knows why? I don't. But I have always adored and admired interracial couples. It's a little creepy to people watch enough to notice this about myself. But hey, I've got 18 years of people watching skills under my belt. I know what I enjoy seeing and what I don't. Like creepy fat dudes in the back of the subway. I don't enjoy people watching them. But interesting females with multiple piercings, mothers with rowdy children, men with briefcases on their cellphones, and more are things I enjoy watching. Included in that list would be interracial couples.
Call me creepy. But it's true. And now you know...
Much Love,
~ Jenna
P.S. Who ever is posting comments, if it's the same person, you're great. I love you! =D

Finally Picking Up My Broken Pieces

I've been thinking a lot lately. Soul searching, as you may call it. I have realized multiple things about myself. It's kind of crazy how much you can figure out when you just sit down and think about it. Take yourself out of your own shoes for a bit. Then put yourself deep inside your head for a sharp contrast. A lot can happen. So over deep thinking and a lot of tears, I have come to multiple conclusions. All of which I will list.
I'm incredibly stubborn and unforgiving. I will also assume you have wronged me, and that I have done nothing wrong, even if the wronging was mutual. I'm going to work on this. I preach forgive and forget, but I never really follow it in my heart of hearts. I'm going to start this now. I'm working on it. A few people at a time. Some of the people I have to contact scare me a bit. Not them, but what may happen. But I have to stop fearing the necessary. Fear is crippling. So, I can hold a grudge. I'll change that. I will.
I make false promises to myself. I tell myself I'm going to do something, and I never really do it. You know? I am bent on getting something done, like homework, or RP posts, or even talking to someone about something, and it never gets done. And I blame it on me not having enough time. I have plenty of time. I just waste it thinking about nothing and doing nothing. I really need to get cracking if I want to make it anywhere in the world.
I am incredibly dependent. I like to tell myself I'm a strong independent young woman. But I'm not. I need people to lean on. Without people to lean on I'd be a mess. Thus why I was a mess years ago. I didn't think anyone had my back. Little did I know, many people cared. I need to think that constantly. I'll never be alone. I have friends and family who love me. Loneliness is only a state of mind. It's not a reality. Not for me, at least.
I recently have semi-mastered the art of seeing auras. I can see the auras of many people, though color is still something that is difficult. And for some reason, I can't see them well on my friends. Anyway, I see some people out there in the world have gorgeous auras. I feel like these people have wonderful hearts, like they are just great people once you get to know them. This has really clouded my vision on my own feelings. I want to befriend people and such for the wrong reasons. I realize this. I know who these people I have been "crushing over" are. And I'm going to stop that. I'll find real reasons to befriend them. Not possible reasons. I'm not that good yet. I could be wrong.
As much as I try not to. I care too much about public opinion. I dissect everything I do before I do it. Who I'm friends with. Who I sit with at lunch. Who I like. What I do. etc. All because I think people care enough to... care. You know? It's stupid. I don't notice those things, why should they? And who cares? If I'm happy than to hell what they think! That's how I'll actually try to think now. I'm not going to just say I think it. I'm going to think it.
Yup. That's it for now. Soul searching, ftw. Let's see if it all works out. I feel fulfilled in a way. Writing it down, thinking about all of it. Wish me luck! I wish you luck in your own soul searching.
Much Love,
~ Jenna

New Year, New Beginnings

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! It's officially 2010. A year I have been waiting for for as long as I remember. It's the year I graduate high school and start college. And, as of this moment, my gut feeling is that it's going to be epic. I mean, really. I just have this feeling that it is going to be the best year yet. And I'm going to live it so. No regrets. Live life to the fullest. Hold nothing back. That's my plan.
So, first things first. My New Year's Resolutions. I post them on my forum earlier. So I'll just copy/paste/tweak them here. I always do ten. Some are little, some big, some nearly impossible. I don't plan on making all ten. At least five. That's my goal. Well, here they are.
1. Get into a college I want to go to, and somehow find enough money to fund it.
2. Graduate with at least Cum Laude from high school.
3. Give my senior speech during chapel, holding nothing back.
4. Get a good summer job.
5. Become a finalist for the playwriting competition I'm entering.
6. Procrastinate less.
7. Work out and get toned and sexy. XD
8. Start 2011 off with a New Year's kiss from someone special. =D
9. Get a tattoo.
10. Reconnect with people I have lost touch with.
Yup. Those are mine. Hopefully I can make a few, some will definitely by more difficult than others. If you'd like, comment with your own resolutions. I'd love to hear them.
So, I made 46 posts in 2009. The most of any past year. Which is exciting. We made 100 posts all together this year as well. I changed the blog name. Which was also exciting. So much has happened in one year, as usual. I can't even remember half of the stuff I'm reading back on. Bad things, good things. Let's hope for more good this year, okay? Well, good luck everyone with the new year. See you later!
Much Love,
~ Jenna

Hi. It's me. Just wanted to wish you a happy New year! It's exciting. 2010. Well. I'll post later with some resolutions and a year review. But I'm on a train now texting blogger. So... I'll be posting later. Love you readers. Few that you are. <3