The Grass Is Always Greener

I'm depressed... no, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at the fact that I think I'm depressed when really I am annoyed. At myself. At my lack of ability to do anything that I want to do. At my lack of ability to just assert myself and be myself and not hide in the corner, and not look down at the floor or be afraid of eye contact... with anyone for that matter. Did you know that? I'm afraid of eye contact... and I don't really know why. It freaks me out... to personal or something. I'd rather look at your forehead, or nose, or just past your face. I do not like to look into people's eyes. But this is off subject. I'm still annoyed.
I know of another person who is annoyed, she is also annoyed by her lack of ability. I tell her that she is at least able to get past the stage in which is blocking me. She can talk; she can make eye contact... I can't. She tells me that what I want is not all it's cracked up to be... well, the grass is always greener my friend. And at the moment, my grass is pretty burnt and ugly. I'd like a taste (or feel rather) of soft green grass. I'm sick and tired of old dead burnt grass!!! Well, now I'm speaking in code. Sort of. Well, if you can interpret this you are quite skilled. I applaud you... but you're probably wrong.
So pretty much I am frustrated and annoyed at myself for being stupid. Very stupid. In a place where I should not be stupid. Stupidity is bad in the place that it is coming out. Eye contact... I should practice...
Whatever,
~ Jenna